Usually abuse (if it is to arise)
surfaces early on in the relationship placing a deep strain on good
will, romance, respect, and ultimately love. Abuse may arise on one
side or both, in either case abuse usually becomes mutual unless one
partner is strong. If one partner caves in and returns the abuse the
relationship goes MAD.
The prevalence of MAD couples may
be illustrated in this: How many mutually abusive relationships have
you been in or know of? I have both been in and have known of many
such relationships. Now let’s add to that number. Many abusive
relations are really mutually abusive, but one party denies
returning the abuse. No one wants to be known as an abuser, so they
convince their friends and family that they are merely the victims
when all the while they have been reciprocating and thus fueling the
MAD scenario. The number of MAD couples out there is proportionally
very high and most couples are not even aware of being one. Even
Christian relationships are not exempt from the MAD scenario. The
following will help you to identify a MAD relation.
1. MAD always hinges upon
at least two abusers in the relationship. Whether they abuse drugs,
alcohol, each other or worse the children.
2. MAD always escalates
with an ultimate aim to subdue the will, joy, freedom or life of the
other.
3. MAD always leads to
hatred or apathy of their partner, and destroys success.
Once the MAD die is cast it is
very difficult to remold it into a recoverable relationship as there is
much damage and resentment that may linger. Love may start anew, but
the mistrust and feelings of guilt and or resentment may never go
away. If a couple is willing to work at it they can salvage the
relationship, all is not lost, but the work required will not be pretty
or easy. Of course it is always best if you begin your new
relationship on a healthy footing so as to avoid altogether the
specter of your relationship going MAD.
DON’T
GET MAD GET MAP!
It is crucial in the beginning of
dating to start out on a positive note, since first impressions are
lasting ones. It is also critical to be vigilant and ever on the
lookout for signs of abuse both on your side and the other. Do not
excuse it or sweep it under the rug as many do, but confront it or
leave before it takes you over and draws you in.
In healthy and thriving
relationships these couples practice what We at the "Christian
dating service primer" call the MAP theory of love. That’s-
Mutual Assured Promotion. By promoting each others well being above
themselves they free each other to map out their own personal goals
and dreams in life. One may adopt the others goal as their mutual
goal. Perhaps one wants to become a doctor or playwright so they
both cooperate to see that goal come to fruition. This is a common
practice with healthy couples. Needless to say MAP is a much more
effective formula for mutual success than the MAD scenario. The
hallmarks of MAP are:
1. MAP always hinges upon
at least two partners willing to safe guard each others best
interests above their own.
2. MAP always escalates and
builds the life of the partner and never ceases.
3. MAP always has as it’s
ends love, respect, and devotion.
The question, dear reader now
becomes, which will you chose- MAD or MAP? More on the signs to
watch out for and how to effectively counteract them in the bonus
chapter- Get your black belt here!
"Christian personals
services primer
cont. click below."
Another
great Christian personals service, and friends of the Eden Project.
